I haven’t had much inclination to blog since becoming a mum. I’m not really sure why but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it’s all a bit of a blur in the first few months really, isn’t it? They sleep, you don’t, they shit copiously, you don’t (thank you childbirth), they don’t fit into their new clothes, you don’t fit into your old clothes, etc etc etc. There isn’t really anything new or interesting I can add to the ‘new mum fugue state’ theme that any decent parent blogger worth their salt hasn’t already said, so I choose to keep schtum.
But he’s nearly four months old now and turning into a proper little dude – gone is the eat/shit/sleep monotony of the early months and in its place is the genuine wonder of watching a new personality develop in front of my very eyes. Without wanting to make you all sick up your Christmas dinner, I’m so in love with him that sometimes it feels as though my heart will quite literally burst out of my chest. I love him, love being his mum, love that Jim and I have created this amazing little person.
Up until a few weeks ago I would have said that 2012 was the best year of my life so far; I loved being pregnant, had an amazing holiday with friends in Spain that included one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten, won a fantastic piece of new business at work that I felt genuinely proud of, had the Olympics and Paralympics on my doorstep, became a mum, introduced my Grandparents to their Great Grandson. It was pretty amazing.
Then reality bit – as it tends to – and I was brought crashing back down to earth when my Grandma passed away in the early hours of December 3rd. Our little family was left reeling from the loss – my Grandad was burying his wife of 60 years almost exactly a year after burying his mother and my little brother, cousin and I were losing the woman who had brought us up. I’m still struggling to come to terms with it if I’m honest and tears are never far away when I think about her.
But there is positivity behind the tears. The happiness of her grandchildren was probably the single most important thing in Grandma’s life and she left safe in the knowledge that all three of us are happily in love and settled. And she got to meet her amazing great grandson, something I will be eternally grateful for.
2012 has definitely been one of the most significant in my life. I have so much to be grateful for and I will never take that for granted, but I’m also heart broken by the loss of the most important woman in my life. Happiness tempered by sadness, as it often is.
But I don’t want to end the year – or indeed this post – on a sad note so here’s a list of all the things I’m looking forward to in 2013:
- Decorating the house, one room at a time. We’ve already started my dressing room, next up will be the bedroom.
- Grandad visiting - we have plans to visit the National Maritime Museum, Science Museum and Imperial War Museum amongst other places.
- The Stone Roses at Finsbury Park in June – unlike last time I won’t be 7 months pregnant which means I can go down the front. YEAH!
- Jim’s 40th – San Sebastian for a long weekend with the gang, birthday party, general celebrations and gift-giving
- Work – changes are afoot career-wise for me in 2013. The beloved job I left in August doesn’t exist anymore and at the moment I don’t know what will replace it. Work is VERY important for me so it will be a big focus when the time comes.
- Spring/Summer – because we HAVE to have one in 2013, don’t we?!
- George - talking, walking, growing up.
A lot to look forward to, I think you’ll agree :)
Merry Christmas and a very healthy and happy 2013 to you all
Mrs L xxx